Player Profiles

 

 2014 Tour Player Profiles

 

Michael “Fanta Pants” Bell

 

One of the original members. The “Mr Nice Guy” of the tour however has a very competitive streak when in battle.

Strengths: Has so much potential. He is a clean ball striker and a big driver off the tee when his slice in kept in order. He has the ability to beat anyone on his day when he finds his mojo.

Weaknesses: Excess beer, red wine and old war stories the night before tee-off can make this man get to bed a bit late and wake up off his game. An ACL recon this year might knock his confidence.

 

 

 

David “Golden Bear” Bell

 A debutant from the famous Bell family.

The eldest brother of Micko and Biff and should provide a nice sea change to the group.

Strengths: Was a very handy golfer in his Indooroopilly membership days believed to carry his brother “Micko” and the “Walrus” when they had had a big night at a 21st birthday party. He hasn’t been corrupted by other founding DHT members. Has a putting stroke technique like the “Golden Bear”. He knows how to play – can he rise to the big occasion?

Weaknesses: Becomes very frustrated (although not a club thrower) when things are not flowing and the triple and quadruple bogeys start to add up.

 

 Chris “Biff” Bell (2014 Commish)

 

The Commissioner on his third DHT tour and still gutted after receiving the wooden spoon in 2013, although his wife suggested he did this on purpose to guarantee he has a spot in 2014.

Strengths: Hits straight, good short game and can lift his game when required (excluding DHT 2013).

Weaknesses: Like his older brother David can score the odd triple or quadruple bogeys. Can be corrupted from time to time by some of the older (less mature) founding members.

 

 

 

 

Eugene “Evergreen” Estelle

 

An easy going nice guy with a quirky sense of humour. Without Phil on tour one of the next best handicappers in the field.

Strengths: Technically near perfect swing, big driver and can bring rain on some of his short iron play.

Weaknesses: Nearly received the wooden spoon behind the current Commish but really hard to find a weakness. Can come down hard on his game when his golf is not flowing.

 

 

Luke “Rusty” Van Every

 

 

 

The joking man on tour and Russell Crowe’s twin brother.

Strengths: Has a great natural ability to swing the club like a pro. A rhythm and melodic kind of golfer.

Weaknesses: Alcohol, throwing phones, pub brawls in Coffs Harbour and Meg Ryan.

 

Kelly “The Walrus” Macgroarty

The unofficial leader of the group and the only man named after an animal. The “Walrus” is known for weight fluctuations of between 20-30 kilograms a week.

Strengths: 3 wood off the deck the best in the business, can play well after a big night on the gas and understands his game better than Craig Stalder knows the McDonalds menu.

 Weaknesses: Takes his swing back very slowly at times he nearly falls to sleep before impact is made. He can take more grass out of the ground on a lofted wedge than Suncorp Stadium and find himself searching for more than 10 minutes for sand to fill the hole. Loves burgers, ribs and good times. Struggles to play well when fully sober.

 

 

Steven “Shanks” Drew

The eldest Drew on Tour seems to either win the DHT or come last with no in between. Seems to be the Ricky Bobby of the group and takes the “Talladega Nights” theme literally “if you ain’t first, you are last”.

Ra-spect for the current DHT purple jacket and trophy holder.

Strengths: Good ball driving and long iron play, always dresses well in inclement weather conditions. Loves dressing like a Navy Seal in scuba attire about to enter the water!

Weaknesses: Professional spanker shanker of the ball, can disintegrate from verbal barbs coming from Kelly “Walrus” Macgroarty.

 

 

Nick “Dicky Knee” Drew

Arguably the more athletic of the Drew boys has returned from a sabbatical and the wilderness. He obviously knows how to play the field and knows playing well on “moving day” is how you take out the purple jacket.

Strengths: No mistakes, great course management.

Weaknesses: Has played to Canadian courses the past few years so may not appreciate the nuisances of the links style courses but this weakness will only be temporary. Might need to play on one leg if the dicky knee flares up – Tiger Woods did it!

 

Peter “New (Gay) Boy” Pfaender

 

Clearly of questionable sexuality, a Geelong tragic and no doubt if he was a Collingwood supporter would not have made it through the rigorous due diligence process of the DHT. To my knowledge another debutant and keen to stamp his authority early.

Strengths: Made a name for himself recently on the US Tour. Demonstrates a fighting spirit similar to his beloved Cats.

Weaknesses: Friends with the Walrus.

 

 

Jeff “Free Willie” Williams

 

Another debutant, obvious Hawks fan and fairly unknown to the wider playing group.

Strengths: A successful businessman who knows how to be organised and make financial decisions based on cost / benefit analysis. This analysis will count for bugger all if Barnbougle’s weather conditions deteriorate.

Weaknesses: Also friends with the Walrus…Hmmm, menage a  trios anyone?

 

 

Matthew “Cool As A Cucumber” Kelso

 

Where do we start? Former winner, great competitor and unassuming guy. The “honest 22-24 handicap” otherwise known as the burglar will be in for another solid performance.

Strengths: A simple and uncomplicated swing nothing fundamentally goes wrong. His hybrid club appears to be the “go to” club for this man!

Weaknesses: Others will look to take advantage of his friendly nature to ensure they don’t come last.

 

 

 

 

Michael “Long Ball” Williams

 

Has the beautiful golf swing of Theodore Ernest “Ernie” Els (The Big Easy). The next best handicapper to the absent Phil.

Strengths: A beautiful timer of the ball. Has a fluid and rhythmic swing.

Weaknesses: Price’s brother in law but we cannot hold that 100% against him.

 

 

 

 

 

Greg “Stella!” Sterling

If you thought Matt Kelso was a burglar then “Sterlo” has pulled off the greatest bank robbery. He makes out he is a 25-30 handicapper but can play to low double figures on his day.

Strengths: Good athlete, strong bodybuilding frame with core and upper body strength (opposite to the Walrus). Hits the ball further than his swing suggests.

Weaknesses: Trusts others to record his score correctly.

 

 

Price “Un-Ortho-Dox” Gallie

 

The previous 2013 Commissioner and is apparently the best orthopaedic doctor in Queensland or the Gold Coast.

Strengths: A clean ball striker and has good hand eye coordination. Organised an awesome 2013 tour for which he should be again commended. Doesn’t play much but don’t be fooled he knows how to hit the ball!

Weaknesses: Can capitulate on the last hole of a major DHT when pressure is applied.

 

 

 

 

 

David “Whisky Sour” Walker

Another doctor on the DHT (what a surprise you say?) however he comes with a clean rap sheet.

Expecting big things from DW!

Strengths: Unknown to many and that could be the advantage he needs. Not sure how frequently he gets out or if he is a member of any club but if he lays low and achieves a “favourable” floating handicap he could find himself up there on the last day.

Weaknesses: Seems mature and responsible. He is clearly overqualified for the DHT.

 

 

Shane “Four!” Ford

 

 

Good mates with Drewie obviously not a hacker and can play well.

Strengths: Being an underdog. Laid back attitude as per photo.

Weaknesses: Loves wetsuits has a tendency to jump in the ocean could go AWOL near the beach hole at Barnbougle.